What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple says relationship expert John Gottman. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day to day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what Gottman calls an emotionally intelligent marriage.

Recently, emotional intelligence has become widely recognized as an important predictor of a child’s success later in life. The more in touch with emotions and the better able a child is to understand and get along with others, the sunnier that child’s future, whatever his or her academic IQ. The same is true for relationships between spouses. The more emotionally intelligent a couple – the better able they are to understand, honor and respect each other and their marriage the more likely that they will indeed live happily ever after. Just as parents can teach their children emotional intelligence, this is also a skill that a couple can be taught. As simple as it sounds, it can keep husband and wife on the positive side of the divorce odds.

Toronto couples therapist Larry Borins says, “couples often come to me when they are in emotional distress and there has been a breakdown in communication”. Borins shares that perhaps one of his favourite video clips to show couples during one of his counselling session is called, “It’s Not About the Nail”. Not only is this video hilarious… because its so true, but it also a great reminder about the power of empathy, listening and how to be more emotionally attuned with your partner.

For those who practice it, it’s a way to self regulate internal mental distractions. A scientist’s perceives meditation as a means to enhance brain function and cognition in both normal and impaired people.

The average person has around seventy thousand thoughts per day which, depending on the thought, could provide someone with plenty to stress over. Meditation is like exercise for the brain, it is a form of training. In doing so, a person infuses their thoughts with love, happiness, and wellbeing. Doing this also helps maintain a balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

There are also different types of stress. There is acute stress, which is more short term, often something recent and anticipated that comes along with its own pressures and demands upon the person. Then there is chronic stress, which as suggests is a lingering and long term type of stress, such as a childhood trauma, poverty, a dysfunctional family, or possibly something environmental. Regardless of which kind it is, stress has a physiology. First it causes tension or possibly panic, then the hormones get in on the act as the body releases cortisol, adrenaline, and epinephrine. The more lasting effects are high blood pressure and the body takes energy away from the immune, reproductive, and digestive systems in order to combat the stress. Enjoy several charts which show the effects of meditation in different study groups.

By Jenev Caddell

We are much more interconnected than we realize. As technology advances and we are able to actually see into the human brain, we now have proof of this. These are exciting times in the fields of psychology and mental health.

Psychologist and relationship expert Susan Johnson, in a collaboration with neuroscientist James Coan, published a study on how the quality of one’s romantic relationship has a direct effect on how the brain responds to fear and pain. The study demonstrated how a type of couples therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy can actually change partners’ brains as a result.

The Experiment – Phase One:  Before Emotionally Focused Therapy

The experiment involved placing an unhappily married woman in an fMRI machine. She was told that she would be given a shock to her foot when she saw an “x” on the screen. Understandably, when she saw the “x,” researchers noted that her brain lit up with all kinds of fear and pain. She reported that the shock hurt. She then held the hand of a stranger, and had the same response – she was scared and it hurt. She then held the hand of her husband, whom she probably wasn’t too fond of at the time; she again experienced fear and pain, consistent with the fMRI. No change.

The Experiment – Phase Two:  After Emotionally Focused Therapy

The couples who went through phase one worked on their marriages with an Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT). EFT has been demonstrated consistently in the research to have higher than a 70 percent success rate with couples in distress. After these couples went through EFT, the wives again went through the experiment. The results were notable.

When the woman was alone in the fMRI machine, she again felt fear and pain and the fMRI showed her brain responding as such. When she held the hand of a stranger, the response wasn’t as strong, but was still present. After EFT couples therapy, she held the hand of her husband and received the shock again. Her response was profoundly calmed. The fMRI demonstrated relatively little fear response, and she denied feeling nearly as much pain, she merely thought the shock was uncomfortable.

The results and their implications

The implication of this study is that healthy relationships literally soothe our brains. This study is but one piece of evidence about how our mammalian brains are wired to connect with one another to face the trauma and difficulties of life. We are much better off going at life together than alone. Creating secure bonds and staying connected is how we as a species evolved, and how we will continue to.

“Love is a safety cue that literally calms and comforts the neurons in our brain.”
Sue Johnson

EFT is one of the most evidence-backed forms of couples therapy. In this study, Johnson demonstrates how it can help literally create physical changes in partners’ brains once relationships are repaired.

To see Sue explaining her study, watch this:

“We all fear facing life alone, and we all yearn for loving connection,”
Sue Johnson.

Sources:

Byrne, M., Carr, A., & Clark, M. (2004). The efficacy of behavioral couples therapy and
emotionally focused therapy for couple distress. Contemporary Family Therapy:
An International Journal, 26, 361-387

Johnson, S., Moser, M., Beckes L., Smith A., Dalgleish T., et al. (2013) Soothing the Threatened Brain: Leveraging Contact Comfort with Emotionally Focused Therapy. PLoS ONE 8(11): e79314.

Johnson, S., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. & Schindler, D. (1999) Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Status & challenges (A meta-analysis). Journal of Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6,67-79.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy

The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

The 3 Minute Breathing Space is a mini meditation for the purpose of stepping out of automatic pilot and reconnecting with the present moment experience. This practice can be very useful when negative thought patterns arise, attempting to push you into a downward spiral of emotional reactivity. By slowing down and turning into the present moment, with acceptance and compassion, this exercise can help you respond more skillfully to stressful situations. More choices become available with purposeful attention and we can start to respond to negative emotions instead of simply reacting to them.

1. Awareness

   Bring yourself into the present moment by deliberately adopting an erect and dignified posture. If possible, close your eyes.

Then ask:”What is my experience right now…in thoughts…in feelings…and in bodily sensations? Acknowledge and register your experience, even if it is unwanted.

2. Gathering

   Then, gently redirect full attention to breathing, to each in-breath and to each outbreath as they follow, one after the other.Your breath can function as an anchor to bring you into the present and help you tune into a state of awareness and stillness.

3. Expanding

   Expand the field of your awareness around your breathing, so that it includes a sense of the body as a whole, your posture, and facial expression.The breathing space provides a way to step out of automatic pilot mode and reconnect with the present moment.

The key skill in using Mindfulness is to maintain awareness in the moment. Nothing else.

From Segal, Williams and Teasdale (2002). Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression. Guilford Press

Love demands the reassurance of touch. Most fights are really protests over emotional disconnection. Underneath the distress, partners are desperate to know: Are you there for me?

Here is a great article on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, an approach to counselling that really gets to the bottom of the relationship distress. The article was written by Dr.Sue Johnson, a leading expert on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

Also, here is a video clip from Sue Johnson, as she speaks at the 2009 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium:

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of it’s life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we were to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

Do adults bond with their partners in the same way that children develop attachments to their parents? Love Guru, Dr. Sue Johnson shows groundbreaking evidence to suggest that they do in her book “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Life Time of Love.”

In December 2011 I had the opportunity to attend a week long externship training with Johnson in Ottawa, where I got immersed in her empirically validated model called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT).

Emotionally Focused Couple’s Therapy (EFT) is a short-term (8-20 sessions) therapy used to reduce distress in adult love relationships and create more secure attachment bonds. This approach is based on the assumption that relationships have a powerful impact on our mental and physical health. According to Johnson, lovers are regulators of each others physiology and emotional functioning and when there is relationship rupture this can send the couple into distress, panic, depression, trauma and forgiveness dilemmas. The good news is that each partner holds the key to unlock each others pain and loneliness. Emotional presence is the solution.

The message of “Hold Me Tight” is simple says Dr. Sue. “Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing and protection”.

Dr. Johnson teaches that the way to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish emotional connection.

Love is a very special kind of emotional bond. It is a basic need that is wired into our brain by millions of years of evolution. It is a survival strategy. Our brains identify isolation and abandonment as danger, and the touch and emotional responsiveness of loved ones as safety. When we experience a loss of connection from attachment figures, this triggers “primal panic,” a special set of fear responses.

According to the code of attachment theory we all need a safe haven relationship to turn to when life is too much for us and that offers us a secure base from which to go confidently out into the world. This is effective dependency.

Dr. Johnson shares that the heart of the matter in couples therapy is not about the arguments that play out around the kids or money. The fighting is really about the key attachment questions that drive a couple’s negative dance.

The key questions are: “Are you there for me?” “Do I matter to you?” “Will you turn towards me and respond to me?” Partners often do not know how to ask these questions, and therapists often miss them or even see them as a sign of immature dependency.

This externship gave me a new road map for working with couples and a deeper understanding for marital distress. Attachment theory seems to be the missing glue for all the other experiential and humanistic approaches I’ve been trying to piece together and integrate. I believe that this model is a truly revolutionary breakthrough in couples therapy. It has been exciting to bring “Hold Me Tight” conversations into my work with couples and families, as the evidence for its success is significant.

Author:
Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

We’ll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or a nagging pain. So why don’t we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness? Too many of us deal with common psychological-health issues on our own, says psychologist Guy Winch. But we don’t have to. Winch makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene — taking care of our emotions, our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies.

Guy Winch gives a great Ted Talks  on the benefits of practicing emotional hygiene. To watch the video click Here: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of it’s life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we were to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

Happy Spring, friends:

Daylight savings time may have brought with it a series of grumbles – “what do you mean we lose an hour of sleep?” – but it does have one very positive perk: MORE SUNLIGHT!!!!

For those of us who experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), increased light can shake away feelings of depression and enhance our mood. People simply feel better on longer days.

Spring promotes hope, happiness and inspires us to “spring into action”. Shake-off the cobwebs and dust from the winter months. It’s spring-cleaning time! We can also “spring clean” our mental and emotional spaces. Do away with the mental debris that no-longer serves you. Whether you notice it or not, your limiting beliefs, skewed expectations or negative internal dialogue influence every aspect of your life.

I just wrote a blog post that touches on this topic: Many Bad Feelings Come From Illogical Thoughts. Biased thinking patterns are often linked to stress, anxiety and depression.

With the change of seasons comes a chance to try something different.

Do you have any new and exciting changes planned for the coming season?

In Mind Health and Happiness,
Larry

This might sound a little weird, but hear me out…

I want you to just take a breath, and relax.

We’re living in a weird time and things likely haven’t gone the way you thought they would in 2020.

So go on, take a 3 minute breathing space.

Maybe you or a loved one lost your job…

Maybe you feel frustrated by world leaders because we weren’t properly prepared for this…

Maybe you’re sad because you miss your family, friends, or favorite coffee shop…

Or maybe you’re angry because you feel like the government isn’t doing enough – or doing too much…

We’re all experiencing Coronavirus in different ways.

Many of us feel fear, sadness, confusion, and frustration…

But if you’re anything like me, you’re not going to let it get the best of you.

We can either simply react to the chaos, or choose to act in a way that will improve our lives.

We can respond by focusing on what we can control: our actions.

My question to you is this:

What will you have accomplished when this is all over?

Will 2020 be the year you look back on as a waste… or as a turning point in your life?

Your life is the story you choose to write. And I’m here to help.

Let’s come out of this pandemic better than how we came into it.

Mental health amid the stresses of working full time can be challenging enough on its own. Throw a pandemic into the mix and suddenly managing one’s mental health can become a monumental undertaking. Fear and uncertainty seem to be everywhere; these can lead to anxiety and/or depression which in turn, can affect every aspect of your daily life. There are a number of strategies to help keep our mental balance in check. Here is a short video I created :

VIDEO: MAINTAINING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH DURING COVID-19

Like many people, the onset of COVID-19 I had to move from my office in midtown Toronto to working virtually from home. I found the process of adapting to the new world we’re living in to be challenging. I was really reluctant to leave the office environment when the pandemic first hit. Like many, I believed that this was only a temporary disruption and wouldn’t be out of the office for very long. I was in a place of denial and resistance and it was only in the last number of months that I actually accepted that this new reality was not as fleeting as I thought. Only then was I really able to let go and move forward in a positive way.

FIND NEW WAYS TO CELEBRATE

We’re used to getting together to celebrate milestones like birthdays, engagements, weddings, baby arrivals and even work achievements. Since the pandemic, many people have not celebrated those things because they can’t do them in person. My encouragement is that it’s important to still honour traditions and cultural events. Get together with your family and your friends virtually to celebrate birthdays, holidays and other milestones. Applaud work accomplishments online, during team meetings. Even if you can’t do it in person, celebrating virtually together still adds significance to an event.

BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER BECAUSE WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING

We’re all navigating through the pandemic in different ways. And in a strange way, that can be a source of comfort. So be kind to others. Take the time to listen if someone is speaking to you; see if anyone needs any support in the form of a conversation, a warm meal, or just a friendly hello. If someone you know is under the weather physically or mentally, check in on them via email, a phone call, or a knock on the door. We’re all in this together and supporting each other through it can make a huge difference for someone.

NOW MORE THAN EVER, IT’S TIME TO GET PHYSICAL

One of the best ways to turn around a low mood like depression or anxiety is to increase your activity level. So, put on some warm clothes, get outside and walk around – even if it’s for just a few minutes. With the diminishing daylight up ahead, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is going to going to affect some of us too. Vitamin D supplements and using a light therapy can help. If you find they’re not making enough of a difference, consider finding a mental health professional near you. Respect the power of a routine.

We all had routines to follow while we were in the office. Now that we are at home, many of us are finding ourselves at loose ends. Having a routine and “knowing what comes next” is really important in that it adds structure to your day. Try to start at the same time each day (hopefully after some exercise!), take time for lunch, and try and log off at a definite time.

STAY CONNECTED AND COMMUNICATE

It can be really easy to retreat behind your laptop, hunkering down to just get the work done. Before you know it, the end of the workday arrives, and you realize that you haven’t spoken to a soul. Make sure to stay connected to people in your personal and work network by phone, video-chats or by email. It will do your mental health a world of good.

TURN OFF THE NEWS

It’s very easy to stay glued to your TV and fixate on “the COVID count”. Instead, try only watching the news 5 minutes in the morning and at the end of the day. For the rest of the time, use TV as your escape. Find TV shows that make you laugh, are entertaining or provide some type of escapism. Getting caught up in the negative news cycle will only cause stress and anxiety, and that won’t do you (or anyone around you) any good.

EXPAND YOUR DEFINITION OF SELF-CARE

Unfortunately, a lot of the ways we used to practice self-care are no longer possible: we can’t go to the gym, the movies, or to see a concert. That means we now have to discover new ways of looking after ourselves. Meditation, at-home spa treatments, reading, exercise, or talking with friends and family are great ways to do this. If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety which many of us are right now, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

KEEP YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IN BALANCE CAN BE CHALLENGING

The pandemic has unquestionably forced us all to discover new ways of looking after ourselves. My hope is that these strategies can help you re-frame your daily life and re-adjust to living in challenging and uncertain times.

Staying connected, getting active and celebrating old traditions in new ways can provide stability during these turbulent times. If you find that you’re still struggling emotionally, there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help. Therapy has become more accessible than ever before; now it can be done virtually, right from the comfort of your own couch.

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR HEALTH CARE BENEFITS.

Many work benefit plans include mental health service coverage for you and your dependents. Check with your insurance company to determine if a Registered Social Worker, Psychologist or Psychotherapist are included within this. Your mental well-being has become more important than ever during this challenging time. So be sure to stay on top of yours.

CANADA: It has been eight months since the pandemic started – and winter looms. Mental health issues related to the pandemic and lockdown are especially difficult for people with depression and other mental health concerns. The Canadian Mental Health Association has a toll-free 24-hour helpline: 1-833-456-4566 Also, there is a clinic crisis line at 1-888-322-3019

Use these tips and resources to take the time to take care of yourself. We want you and your loved ones to stay healthy, both mentally and physically.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can present unique challenges for adults, affecting their ability to focus, organize, and manage their time effectively. However, with the right strategies and support, adults with ADHD can learn to manage their symptoms and improve their daily functioning. Drawing from the book “ADHD 2.0” by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, and John J. Ratey, MD, here are 10 effective strategies to help you better manage ADHD symptoms:

1. Create a structured routine: Establishing a daily routine can help you stay organized and manage your time effectively. Set specific times for tasks such as work, meals, exercise, and relaxation.
2. Use visual aids: Visual aids such as calendars, planners, or apps can help you track appointments, deadlines, and tasks. Use color-coding or reminders to make them more effective.
3. Break tasks into smaller steps: Large tasks can be overwhelming. Break them down into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on one step at a time.
4. Set up a dedicated workspace: Create a workspace that is free from distractions and conducive to focus. Use tools like noise-canceling headphones or background music to help you concentrate.
5. Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Mindfulness meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress and improve your ability to focus.
6. Limit distractions: Identify and minimize distractions in your environment. This may include turning off notifications, setting boundaries with others, or using noise-canceling headphones.
7. Exercise regularly: Physical activity can help reduce hyperactivity and improve focus and mood. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week.
8. Get enough sleep: Adequate sleep is crucial for managing ADHD symptoms. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.
9. Seek support: Joining a support group or working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD can provide valuable support and strategies for managing your symptoms.
10. Consider medication: In some cases, medication may be recommended to help manage ADHD symptoms. Talk to your healthcare provider to determine if medication is right for you.

Managing ADHD as an adult can be challenging, but with the right strategies and support, you can improve your focus, organization, and overall quality of life. By incorporating these strategies into your daily routine, you can better manage your symptoms and thrive in your personal and professional life.

The following is a script from “Mindfulness” which aired on Dec. 14, 2014. Anderson Cooper is the correspondent. Denise Schrier Cetta, producer. Matthew Danowski , editor.

“Our lives are filled with distractions — email, Twitter, texting we’re constantly connected to technology, rarely alone with just our thoughts. Which is probably why there’s a growing movement in America to train people to get around the stresses of daily life.” Click here to watch:  MINDFULNESS – CBS NEWS – 60 MINUTES

It is definitely a scary reality for teens growing up in a technologically mediated driven world says Larry Borins, social worker and family therapist. Here is an interview Larry did with Metro News on teens and social media.

Read full article on metronews.ca

Mind Health Toronto is seeking an energetic and skilled psychotherapist to join our progressive mental health centre for adults, couples, families, children and youth. We are a newly formed collaborative and creative community of interdisciplinary professionals in mid-town Toronto. We emphasize eclectic approaches: humanistic, CBT, Mindfulness Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy,  Family of Origin Work and Relational therapies. We are a group of experienced Psychologists, MSW’s and Psychiatrists who can provide on site assessment and follow up. We offer a loving and supportive work environment, ongoing professional development, and friendly access to peer supervision; all of this in a beautifully renovated, professional space.

To learn more about Mind Health Toronto please visit our websitewww.mindhealthtoronto.com

Mind Health Toronto is seeking an energetic and skilled psychotherapist to join our progressive mental health centre for adults, couples, families, children and youth. We are a newly formed collaborative and creative community of interdisciplinary professionals in mid-town Toronto. We emphasize eclectic approaches: humanistic, CBT, Mindfulness Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy,  Family of Origin Work and Relational therapies. We are a group of experienced Psychologists, MSW’s and Psychiatrists who can provide on site assessment and follow up. We offer a loving and supportive work environment, ongoing professional development, and friendly access to peer supervision; all of this in a beautifully renovated, professional space.

PROFESSIONAL OFFICE FOR RENT – PART-TIME. (1 day a week starting August 1, 2016). If you are interested in being a part of this professional community, contact:

info@mindhealthtoronto.com

To learn more about Mind Health Toronto please visit our websitewww.mindhealthtoronto.com

“I always thought I had to be there for everyone, no matter what.”

Relief is on the way……

This day forth, I shall live my life and my life alone

Allowing each soul that I meet the same privilege

Not judging, manipulating, controlling or even

Protecting them from their own realities

For my moment is their moment also,

This new space I have allowed myself

I shall fill with _______________(love)  (me).

Starting therapy can seem daunting. By asking yourself the following questions you can assess with your therapist whether you are ready to take this important step forward.

Mark your answers on the scales below. On a scale of 0 to 100:

1. How much of a negative effect has my problem had on my life?
0……………………….…………….………… 50 ……………….…..…..………………… 100
NO EFFECT                                                                              EXTREMELY NEGATIVE EFFECT

2. How important is it to me to feel better?
0…………………………………………….…… 50 ………..………………………………… 100
NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL                                                        EXTREMELY IMPORTANT

3. How willing am I to make getting better a priority in my life?
0……………………………..…………..….… 50 ……………..…………………………… 100
NOT A PRIORITY                                                                      EXTREMELY HIGH PRIORITY

If you scored less than 50 on two or three scales, you may be considering change, but still
feel uncertain.

If that is the case – is now the right time for therapy? If not take some time to discuss your options with a therapist. If you do feel that now is the right time, what can you do to help feel more motivated to change? If you scored 50 or more on two or three scales, you are ready to change.

You have decided that it is time to change and you are prepared to dedicate some time each day to getting better.

Now ask yourself another 3 questions:

Where am I now?

Where do I want to be?

How will I get there?

Make a plan and start doing it!

Over the course of time, many couples need assistance, guidance and sometimes therapy to help their marriage and relationships overcome problems and thrive towards success. Having a successful marriage is one of life’s greatest pleasures and yet nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. The statistics on divorce rate is alarming and says something about how challenging it is to be in a long term committed relationship. Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the models of couple and family therapy that we offer at Mind Health Toronto . We want marriages to last a lifetime and we want to be part of the solution.

Check out a short video by Dr. Sue Johnson Hold Me Tight Video

Mind Health Toronto is seeking an energetic and skilled psychotherapist to join our progressive mental health centre for adults, couples, families, children and youth. We are a collaborative and creative community of interdisciplinary professionals in mid-town Toronto. We emphasize eclectic approaches: humanistic, CBT, Mindfulness Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy,  Family of Origin Work and Relational therapies. We are a group of experienced Psychologists, MSW’s and Psychiatrists who can provide on site assessment and follow up. We offer a loving and supportive work environment, ongoing professional development, and friendly access to peer supervision; all of this in a beautifully renovated, professional space.

After 4 months of our clinic doors being closed at the mercy of this global pandemic, it is with deep, deep sorrow that Mind Health Toronto announces that it will remain permanently closed as of August 1, 2020.

What I thought would be a short-term closure of our clinic due to COVID-19 has turned into our doors being closed for the duration of four months—and still counting.

Closing our doors does not mean that we are out of the psychotherapy business; it means that we will no longer be practicing at this address or as a collective.

For the last 5 years, we have had a talented and dedicated team of therapists providing mental health care to thousands of families across the GTA and I’m proud of the care we offered and what we were able to accomplish as a team and community.

If you are a new patient seeking mental health services, please feel free to email larry@mindhealthtoronto.com and leave a message stating your referral request. At this time there is no OHIP covered psychiatric services.

If you are former client of one of the clinicians at Mind Health Toronto and looking for mental health care, you are welcome to reach out to your therapist directly.

In recent years, conversations about toxic masculinity, generational trauma, and men’s mental health have gained traction, shedding light on issues that have long been in the shadows. As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen firsthand the profound impact these factors have on men’s emotional well-being. This blog post aims to explore these themes and offer insights into how relational mindfulness can help break the cycle of anger, shame, and low self-worth.

Understanding Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity refers to cultural norms that dictate that men should be stoic, aggressive, and unemotional. These stereotypes can stifle emotional expression and lead to unhealthy behaviors. Men who internalize these norms may feel pressured to conform, leading to suppressed emotions, difficulty in forming healthy relationships, and an increased risk of mental health issues.

The Weight of Generational Trauma

Generational trauma, also known as intergenerational trauma, occurs when the effects of trauma experienced by one generation are passed down to subsequent generations. This can manifest in various ways, including patterns of behavior, emotional struggles, and even physical health problems. For men, generational trauma often comes in the form of inherited expectations of masculinity, unresolved anger, and learned behaviors of emotional suppression.

Men’s Mental Health: The Silent Struggle

Men’s mental health is a critical issue that is often overlooked. Societal expectations can make it difficult for men to seek help or even acknowledge their struggles. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can be exacerbated by the pressure to “man up” and hide vulnerabilities. This silent struggle can lead to severe consequences, including substance abuse, relationship breakdowns, and even suicide.

Breaking the Cycle with Relational Mindfulness

Relational mindfulness offers a pathway to break the cycle of toxic masculinity and generational trauma. This practice involves being fully present and engaged in our interactions with others, fostering empathy, understanding, and genuine connection. Here’s how relational mindfulness can make a difference:

1. Fostering Emotional Awareness

Relational mindfulness encourages men to become more aware of their emotions and the emotions of others. By paying attention to their internal experiences, men can begin to recognize and name their feelings, which is the first step in addressing and processing them. This awareness helps to dismantle the facade of stoicism and allows for healthier emotional expression.

2. Cultivating Empathy and Compassion

Practicing relational mindfulness helps men develop empathy and compassion, both for themselves and others. Understanding that it is okay to feel a range of emotions and that others also experience similar feelings can reduce the sense of isolation and shame. Compassionate self-talk can replace the harsh inner critic, leading to improved self-worth and emotional resilience.

3. Improving Communication and Relationships

Relational mindfulness promotes open and honest communication. Men can learn to express their needs and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. This creates deeper, more authentic connections and helps to break down the barriers that toxic masculinity often erects in relationships.

4. Breaking the Cycle of Anger and Shame

Mindfulness practices can help men identify triggers for anger and shame and understand their roots, often linked to generational trauma. By acknowledging these feelings and addressing their sources, men can begin to break free from destructive patterns. Over time, this leads to healthier coping mechanisms and a reduction in reactive behaviors.

Taking the First Steps

Breaking the cycle of toxic masculinity and generational trauma is not an overnight process. It requires patience, commitment, and often professional support. Here are some steps men can take to begin their journey:

• Seek Therapy: Professional therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address deep-seated issues.
• Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness exercises into daily routines to increase emotional awareness.
• Join Support Groups: Connecting with other men who are on a similar journey can provide support and validation.
• Educate Yourself: Read books and articles on toxic masculinity, generational trauma, and men’s mental health to gain a deeper understanding.

Conclusion

Addressing toxic masculinity, generational trauma, and men’s mental health is essential for creating a healthier, more compassionate society. By embracing relational mindfulness, men can break the cycles of anger, shame, and low self-worth that have persisted for generations. It’s a journey of self-discovery and healing that leads to richer, more fulfilling lives and relationships.

If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, remember that help is available. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Together, we can break the chains of the past and build a brighter future.

Most marriages don’t break down because of one big moment.
They erode slowly—through missed conversations, unspoken needs, and small resentments that never quite get addressed.

One simple weekly habit can help interrupt that drift: a marriage check-in.

Not a problem-solving meeting.
Not a rehashing of old arguments.
A short, intentional pause to stay connected, aligned, and accountable.

Why a Weekly Check-In Matters

When couples don’t regularly check in, misunderstandings grow. One partner starts carrying more emotional or practical weight. The other may pull back, get defensive, or avoid difficult conversations altogether. Over time, frustration replaces curiosity, and distance replaces teamwork.

A weekly check-in creates a predictable space to talk about what’s working, what’s hard, and what each person needs—before things reach a breaking point.

It’s less about fixing everything and more about staying in relationship.

The 20-Minute Marriage Check-In

Set aside 20 minutes once a week. Choose a consistent time. Put phones away. Sit facing each other.

The structure matters—it keeps the conversation focused and prevents it from turning into an argument.

1. Emotional Check-In (8 minutes)

Each partner takes a turn answering:

• What felt good between us this week?

• What was challenging in our relationship this week?

• Where did I miss the mark or show up less well than I wanted to?

• What do I need more of from you right now?

Speak from your own experience. Avoid blaming, diagnosing, or keeping score. The goal is honesty and understanding, not winning.

2. Financial Check-In (5 minutes)

Money often carries stress, fear, and unspoken assumptions.

Briefly discuss:

• How are we doing financially this week?

• Any upcoming expenses or concerns?

• Is there anything around money that feels tense or unclear?

Short, regular conversations about money help prevent secrecy and resentment from building.

3. Family & Logistics Check-In (5 minutes)

This is where many couples quietly disconnect.

Talk through:

• Kids’ schedules and needs

• Work commitments

• Household responsibilities

• Time you want to protect for yourselves as a couple or family

Clear communication reduces misunderstandings and helps both partners feel supported rather than overburdened.

4. Closing Ritual (2 minutes)

End on purpose.

• Share one word or feeling you’re leaving with

• Offer a small gesture of connection—a hug, holding hands, eye contact

How you end the conversation matters just as much as what you discuss.

What Changes Over Time

At first, this may feel awkward or forced. That’s normal. Most people were never taught how to talk openly and respectfully about relationship needs.

Over time, couples often notice:

• Fewer blowups because issues are addressed early

• More trust through consistent honesty

• Less resentment and less emotional distance

• A stronger sense of being on the same team

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about practice.

Growing Together, Not Changing Each Other

Healthy relationships aren’t built by trying to fix or manage your partner. They grow when both people take responsibility for their impact, name their needs clearly, and stay engaged even when things feel uncomfortable.

A weekly marriage check-in is one small, powerful way to do exactly that.

FREE YOURSELF FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

DATES: Friday, October 23rd, 2015 to Friday, December 11th
TIME: 1:30pm – 3:30pm.
RETREAT: Sunday, November 29th, 9:30am – 3:30pm

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

• We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each class is 2 hours long. There is also a one-day retreat on a weekend at about week 6.
• Free consultation: before the classes start, we meet with you to help you make sure that the program will be beneficial for you.
• Training materials, CDs, MP3s and workbooks, are free for participants.
• The cost for the program is $400 for the 8 week workshop (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

INSTRUCTORS:

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

Susan Hershkop BSC MD FRCP(C) is a psychiatrist. She studied medicine, completed her psychiatric residency at the University of Toronto and has an academic appointment as a Lecturer at the University of Toronto.  Susan has a psychiatric practice at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where she sees patients with mood and anxiety disorders.  She has a particular interest in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and mindfulness.

To Register please call 416-546-5511 or e-mail larryborins@gmail.com

In an effort to better understand the growing phenomenon of Internet Addiction, family therapist Larry Borins, MSW, RSW, will be holding a parenting workshop on the topic of setting limits for video game misuse.

Research has shown that household rules about how, when and how much children and teens can use media are effective in reducing media time. In households that have such rules, tweens and teens spend an average of three fewer hours engaged in media. Only a third of all households have such rules, however making this an area where parents could perhaps do more to reduce the ill effects of media use on children and teens.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommendations for parents:

• Limit children’s total media time to no more than one to two hours of quality programming per day.

• Remove television sets from children’s bedrooms.

• Discourage television viewing for children younger than two years, and encourage more interactive activities that will promote brain development, such as talking, playing, singing, and reading together.

• Monitor the shows children and adolescents are viewing. Most programs should be informational, educational and nonviolent.

It is probably safe to conclude that your own children or grandchildren are currently playing for more than the recommendations suggested above. For most parents these targets may seem entirely unrealistic. Despite this, trying at least to narrow the large gap is worthwhile.

Unplugged: Parenting In A Digital Age –  Tuesday January 19th, from 6 to 8 p.m. in the group room at Mind Health Toronto. There is a 20$ fee for this group and participants must send an e-mail to larryborins@gmail.com reserve their spot. Space is limited to 15 people.

• FREE YOURSELF FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS
• DATES: FRIDAY January 22 – March 11 1:30-3:30pm. Retreat on Sunday, November 29th, 9:30 am -3:30pm

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

DATES: FRIDAY January 22 – March 11th 1:00-3:00pm. Retreat on Sunday, February 28th, 9:30 am -3:30pm

• We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each class is 2 hours long. There is also a one-day retreat on a weekend at about week 6.
• Free consultation: before the classes start, we meet with you to help you make sure that the program will be beneficial for you.
• Training materials, CDs, MP3s and workbooks, are free for participants.
• The cost for the program is $400 for the 8 week workshop (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

INSTRUCTORS:

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

Susan Hershkop BSC MD FRCP(C) is a psychiatrist. She studied medicine, completed her psychiatric residency at the University of Toronto and has an academic appointment as a Lecturer at the University of Toronto.  Susan has a psychiatric practice at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where she sees patients with mood and anxiety disorders.  She has a particular interest in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and mindfulness.

WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOURSELF?
WANT TO BREAK BAD PATTERNS?
WANT TO BE HAPPY?

Beginning April 2016, Donna will be running group workshops.
Donna’s wait list has grown and as a result, she has had to turn a lot of people away. Donna believes strongly in her work and therapeutic model, and would like to help people work at becoming better versions of themselves. It is for this reason that she would like to offer these workshops – to spread her model of therapy and to reach more people.

The goal of these workshops is for individuals/couples to understand Donna’s therapeutic model and apply it to the areas of their lives they wish to explore, work on, or make better. The model allows people to acknowledge parts of the self and understand how these parts are interrelated and integrated. Through teaching of her model, exercises, and self reflection, individuals will be able to identify the trouble spots in themselves, understand the origins of these trouble spots, and find ways of making them better. Be it for your own individual work, work within a couple context, or even work between adult child and parent, this model can facilitate an understanding that could be blocking your happiness.

If the notion of a workshop puts you off, please know that in this format you are free to participate as much or as little as you like. A portion of the workshop is devoted to teaching the model, which allows people to ingest the material with no need for active participation. As people become more familiar with the model, they are free to participate in any fashion that fits with their comfort level. Some may participate more, some may ask more questions, some may do written exercises strictly for themselves; some may wish to share their insights.

AT YOUR OWN PACE!

Donna is excited!

If you are interested in sharing her excitement, please contact her assistant, Melanie, at 416-784-3370 or melanier1988@gmail.com for more information. As Donna is a licensed Psychologist, a portion of these fees can be covered by your extended health care insurance coverage.

DETAILS:
PLACE: 3080 Yonge Street • Suite 5016 • Group Room
DATES: April 11, 18, 25 and May 2nd. TIME: 6:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.
COST: $500.00 (for 8 hours of workshop)

• FREE YOURSELF FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS
• DATES: FRIDAY April 1st – May 20th  1:00-3:00pm. Retreat on Sunday, May 8th, 9:30 am -3:30pm

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each class is 2 hours long. There is also a one-day retreat on a weekend at about week 6.

• Free consultation: before the classes start, we meet with you to help you make sure that the program will be beneficial for you.
• Training materials, CDs, MP3s and workbooks, are free for participants.
• The cost for the program is $400 for the 8 week workshop (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

• Do you find yourself spinning your wheels in pursuit of your goals?
• Do you ever look at others and wonder why it seems so easy for them?
• Do you long for less stress and more lasting happiness in your life?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above and it has been going on for a while, your problem likely won’t change if you continue as you are.

Why? It’s because like most people, you are probably only seeing the walls around you,

eg, frustrations with your partner, often feeling anxious or confusion about your life direction. Those walls seem real only because you have been staring at them for a lifetime and it is very scary to take down the walls because they seem to protect you too. Very little will change until you do. That’s why focusing solely on your partner’s issues, quick fixes for stress or asking others what to do with your life rarely works.

Did you know there is another little known way to achieve your goals that few people have ever been shown?

In my workshop series I will be using the latest in neuroscience to show you how you can begin breaking through your own personal wall in a safe way. When you learn how to tap into that powerful part of you – your “Authentic Self”, you will finally actively begin getting more of what you want out of life. After this workshop series you won’t be able to look at yourself or others the same way.

When? Apr. 20 – May. 25, 2016

What? 6 Weekly Sessions – Wed. evenings 7 – 9 pm  Where? 3080 Yonge Street Suite 5016
Investment: $497  

 The first 10 registrants will get a FREE copy of Dr. Gerstein’s acclaimed book,
Live Your Dreams: Doctor’s Orders

Come to the first session. If at that time you are not satisfied with what this workshop series can do for you, then we will refund all your money.

To register and for more info contact: Michelle @ 416-893-7983 or mhoffer@rogers.com

Instructor: Dr. Samuel Gerstein is an MD practicing in psychotherapy, a Career Coach and an Author. While spending two decades in Emergency Medicine and treating over 70,000 patients, he witnessed firsthand the toll that stress takes on the mind and body. He began studying the power of the mind. That is when he transitioned into his Dream Career – helping people use their mind to create the life and work they love.

Mindfulness for New Parents 

Being a new parent is a wonderful, though often stressful life transition – which may lead to difficulties in mood, anxiety and relationships.

Learning to become mindful can help you reduce emotional stress and also connect more fully with your infant or toddler.  Mindfulness has been shown to foster infant attachment bonds and stronger relationships.

In this program we will be practicing mindfulness together with your infant through various forms of brief meditations and gentle yoga. These can be practiced at home to increase bonding with your infant and decrease stress levels. Pregnant couples can also participate in adapted exercises.

This program is suitable for parents and expectant parents. Everyone is welcome.

Fees:  $250/adult / $300 for the couple. Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services.

To Register Please call:  (416) 322-5433

Date: Mondays –  11:15 am – 1 pm (recurring depending on participants)

Location: Mind Health Toronto, 3080 Yonge St., suite #5016, North York (at the northwest corner of Yonge and Lawrence)

Instructors:

Dr. Anna Chen, MD, FRCPC is a general Psychiatrist with a strong interest in the promotion of infant/parental mental health.

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each class is 2 hours long. There is also a one-day retreat on a weekend at about week 6.

Free consultation: before the classes start, we meet with you to help you make sure that the program will be beneficial for you.

Training materials, CDs, MP3s and workbooks, are free for participants.

The cost for the program is $500 for the 8 week workshop (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

Susan Hershkop BSC MD FRCP(C) is a psychiatrist. She studied medicine, completed her psychiatric residency at the University of Toronto and has an academic appointment as a Lecturer at the University of Toronto.  Susan has a psychiatric practice at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where she sees patients with mood and anxiety disorders.  She has a particular interest in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and mindfulness.

Being a new parent is a wonderful, though often stressful life transition – which may lead to difficulties in mood, anxiety and relationships.

Learning to become mindful can help you reduce emotional stress and also connect more fully with your infant or toddler.  Mindfulness has been shown to foster infant attachment bonds and stronger relationships.

In this program we will be practicing mindfulness together with your infant through various forms of brief meditations and gentle yoga. These can be practiced at home to increase bonding with your infant and decrease stress levels. Pregnant couples can also participate in adapted exercises.

This program is suitable for parents and expectant parents. Everyone is welcome.

Fees:  $250 Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services.

To Register Please call:  (416) 322-5433

Date: Thursday Oct 13, 20, 27 and Nov 3,  1:00 pm – 3 pm  (recurring depending on participants)

Location: Mind Health Toronto, 3080 Yonge St., suite #5016, North York (at the northwest corner of Yonge and Lawrence)

Instructors:

Dr. Anna Chen, MD, FRCPC is a general Psychiatrist with a strong interest in the promotion of infant/parental mental health.

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

DATES: Wednesday February 8  – April 5^th  12:45 -3:00 pm. Retreat on Sunday March 5, 9:30 am -3:30pm.

To Register please call 416-322-5433 or e-mail larryborins@gmail.com and fax in a referral from your physician (416) 322-5432.

We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each  class is 2 hours and 15 minutes. There is also a one-day retreat on a weekend at about week 6. Free consultation: before the classes start, we meet with you to help you make sure that the program will be  beneficial for you. Training materials, CDs, MP3s and workbooks, are free for participants.

Cost for the program is $400 if you register before January 6, $500 thereafter (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

INSTRUCTORS:

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients get out of the vicious cycles of negative emotions, recognize destructive patterns, find deeper connections, and explore new options for positive change.

Susan Hershkop BSC MD FRCP(C) is a psychiatrist. She studied medicine, completed her psychiatric residency at the University of Toronto and has an academic appointment as a Lecturer at the University of Toronto.  Susan has a psychiatric practice at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where she sees patients with mood and anxiety disorders.  She has a particular interest in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and mindfulness.

(What you should have been given at birth)

• Are you frustrated about where you are in life?
• Have you tried to do something about it but find you just end up spinning your wheels?
• Do you want to feel less stressed and more joy?

If you said “yes” to any or all of the questions above then you have probably tried dozens of methods to change your ways. However many methods are unsuccessful because they don’t get to the root of the problem. It’s like having a garden full of weeds. If you keep cutting the weeds on the surface, what will happen? As you probably guessed, they will grow back. But if you remove the roots and strengthen the soil, you will solve your weed problem. Similarly, to get true lasting results, you need to learn to get to the root of your problem and allow your True Self© to emerge. That is what I will help you with in my new mini-series,

The Instruction Manual To Your Mind©. Everyone has a mind but few are taught how to use this incredibly powerful tool. This mini-series will reveal its hidden secrets.

After this experiential interactive mini-series* you will:

• Understand how your mind works – both what you see and what you don’t see
• Be shown a mindfulness method to handle any stress that life throws at you.
• Begin to show compassion to the parts in you that you find frustrating. e.g., procrastination, perfection, inner critic
• Begin the practice of tapping into the power of your True Self©

*Note: This is a teaching series and not psychotherapy

When? 4 Monday evenings (7-9 pm) – Feb. 6, 13, 27 and Mar. 6, 2017 (Feb. 20 off due to family Day)

Where? 3080 Yonge Street, Suite 5016

Investment in Yourself: New Year’s Special: $249

Contact: Call Michelle now @ 416-893-7983 for more info or buy tickets at http://alturl.com/9ksmg

Dr. Samuel Gerstein is an MD practicing in psychotherapy, a career coach and an author of Live Your Dreams: Doctor’s Orders. While spending two decades in Emergency Medicine and treating over 70,000 patients, he witnessed firsthand the toll that stress takes on the body. Dr. Gerstein began studying the power of the Mind. That is when he transitioned into his Dream Career – helping people use their mind to create the life and work they love.

Being a new parent is a wonderful, though often stressful life transition – which may lead to difficulties in mood, anxiety and relationships.

Learning to become mindful can help you reduce emotional stress and also connect more fully with your infant or toddler.  Mindfulness has been shown to foster infant attachment bonds and stronger relationships.

In this program we will be practicing mindfulness together with your infant through various forms of brief meditations and gentle yoga. These can be practiced at home to increase bonding with your infant and decrease stress levels. Pregnant couples can also participate in adapted exercises.

This program is suitable for parents and expectant parents. Everyone is welcome.

Fees:  $200 Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services.

To Register Please call:  (416) 322-5433

Date: March 16, 23, 30, April 6, from 1-2:45 pm (recurring depending on participants)

Location: Mind Health Toronto, 3080 Yonge St., suite #5016, North York (at the northwest corner of Yonge and Lawrence)

Instructors:

Dr. Anna Chen, MD, FRCPC is a general Psychiatrist with a strong interest in the promotion of infant/parental mental health.

FREE YOURSELF FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

DATES: Wednesday May 3^rd  – June 21^st, 12:45 -3:00 pm. Retreat on Friday June 16, 9:30 am -3:30pm

What is Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy?

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT is an innovative program that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. Participants will learn skills and techniques to identify negative moods such as depression, anxiety and stress and to develop the tools to effectively deal with them.

MBCT has been clinically proven to be at least as effective as drugs for depression and provides equivalent protection against depressive relapse. Research has shown that MBCT can also benefit people suffering from anxiety and other emotional problems such as excessive worry, panic, irritability, anger, ADHD and stress related physical symptoms.

“What we’re trying to get people to do is to anchor themselves in their experience so that when a negative emotion comes up in the mind, it can wash over them; it doesn’t bring to mind all of the negative associations that for some people can happen very automatically.” Zindel Segal, co-founder of MBCT The Mindful Way Through Depression Video

To Register please call Michelle 416-322-5433 or e-mail larryborins@gmail.com AND fax a referral in from your physician (416) 322-5432

$400 cost if you register before April 12^th, $500 thereafter (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).

We hold our MBCT classes in North York – 3080 Yonge Street (at Lawrence) once a week for 8 weeks. Each  class is 2 hours and 15 minutes. There is also a one-day retreat at about week 6.

 Free 30 min consultation: before the class to assess your suitability and progress.

 All training materials included; CDs, MP3s and MBCT workbook The Mindful Way, are free for participants.

INSTRUCTORS:

Larry Borins MSW, RSW is a psychotherapist in private practice and founder of Mind Health Toronto, a centre for emotional wellbeing. He holds a Masters degree from Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Yeshiva University. In addition, Larry has advanced training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Interventions and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and uses these modalities to help his clients identify emotions and patterns, get unstuck from unwanted thoughts, and discover their secure base.

Susan Hershkop BSC MD FRCP© is a psychiatrist. She studied medicine, completed her psychiatric residency at the University of Toronto and has an academic appointment as a Lecturer at the University of Toronto.  Susan has a psychiatric practice at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where she sees patients with mood and anxiety disorders.  She has a particular interest in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and mindfulness.

Donna is very excited to announce that she will once again be offering her workshops in May/June 2017. Her previous workshops have been very positively received and therefore she is even more invested in teaching people her therapeutic model, which can easily be incorporated into daily life.

The goal of these workshops is for individuals/couples to gain an understanding of Donna’s therapeutic model and apply it to the areas of their lives they wish to explore, work on, or make better. The model allows people to acknowledge parts of the self and understand how these parts are interrelated and integrated. Through the teaching of her model, exercises, and self-reflection, individuals will be able to identify the trouble spots in themselves, understand the origins of these trouble spots and find ways of making them better. Be it for your own individual work or work within a couple context this model can facilitate an understanding to move you through the places you feel stuck.

This workshop will not interfere with any therapeutic work that you are currently undergoing. It will serve as an adjunct to understand your current work. If you are not in therapy, then this workshop is a wonderful way to introduce you to the therapeutic process, be it for individual or couple’s work.

*If you are interested in attending one of these workshops, please see attachment for further details and an explanation of the workshops, or contact me at melanier1988@gmail.com for any questions that you may have.

DATES: Mondays • May 29^th, June 5^th and June 12^th

TIME: 6:30 -8:30 P.M.

COST: $375.00/person for 6 hours of workshop

PLACE: 3080 Yonge Street Suite 5016 • Group Room

Thanking you in advance, Melanie Rosen, Assistant to:

Donna Jacobs M.A. C. Psych. Psychologist

3080 Yonge St., Suite 5016 Box 87

Toronto, ON M4N 3N1

Tel: 416 784-3370 Fax: 416 784-1533

www.donnajacobspsychologist.com

Donna Jacobs _May_June Workshop Poster 2017

While many therapists complete the Externship and Core Skills training, they have difficulty making it to EFT certification. If this is your dilemma, please join me for one of my Supervision drop-in groups.

I am moving away from regularly scheduled supervision groups because they are difficult to schedule, manage and keep running. Instead, I am creating supervision drop-in afternoons and full days where participants can choose the afternoons or days that they would like to attend. Come for one, two or all them all  – it’s your choice! Sign up is on a first come basis.

Sue Johnson and her colleagues have stated that the best way to learn EFT is by watching others do EFT and by watching your own tapes. My four-hour Friday afternoon drop-in will consist of four fifty-five minute video presentations where four participants will show their own work for group consultation led by myself. A participant who presents can count their presentation towards EFT certification. There will also be room in the group for three to four auditors (an auditor is a participant who attends the group but does not show a tape for discussion).

My Saturday drop-in supervision day will be structured the same as my Friday group and will start in the morning with a live demonstration session. A participant of the group will bring in a couple that they might be stuck with, and I will work with the couple while the group watches in an adjacent room via video feed.

If you are interested in one or more of these groups, sign up today by sending an e-transfer of $25 per group to robinblake@torontopsychotherapist.com to hold your spot(s). Include with your deposit a note indicating which group(s) you are signing up for.

Please let me know if you have any further questions.
I look forward to working with you.

Regards,
Robin Williams Blake

Location: 3080 Yonge Street – Suite 5016 – Mind Health Toronto.
Dates and Times:              

Friday, January 12th, 2018 4 hours
12:45pm – 5:15 pm
$170 – Presenter
$160 – Auditor
* Minimum of 3 presenters/5 participants in total needed.

Saturday, January 13th, 2018  6 hours
9:30 am – Introductions
10 am – Live Demonstration Session
12 pm – Lunch
12:30 – First Presentation
1:30 – Second Presentation
2:30 – Third Presentation
3:30 – Finish
$190 – Presenter
$175 – Auditor
* Minimum of 2 presenters/7 participants in total needed.

Friday, February 9th, 2018 4 hours
12:45pm – 5:15 pm
$170 – Presenter
$160 – Auditor
* Minimum of 3 presenters/5 participants in total needed.

Saturday, February 10th, 2018  6 hours
9:30 am – Introductions
10 am – Live Demonstration Session
12 pm – Lunch
12:30 – First Presentation
1:30 – Second Presentation
2:30 – Third Presentation
3:30 – Finish
$190 – Presenter
$175 – Auditor
* Minimum of 2 presenters/7 participants in total needed.

* I will be releasing March, April and May dates in January if you cannot attend the above groups. Send me an email if you are interested in future dates.


Robin met Dr. Sue Johnson, creator and lead developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, at a Leading Edge Seminar in 2000 and started his EFT journey. He worked with Janet Cleghorn in an EFT supervision group for four years followed by an Externship in Ottawa.  He became a Certified EFT Therapist in 2007 and as an ICEEFT Certified Supervisor in 2010.  In 2006, Robin co-founded the Greater Toronto EFT Community and began bringing ICEEFT trainer Gail Palmer to Toronto to teach the Core Skills training. In the last few years, Robin has taught EFT at York University for the 4th year social work class and he was invited by Mount Sinai Hospital to speak at their level two trauma clinic about EFT in 2016. Presently he is an adjunct faculty member at the Living Institute of Existential-Integrative Psychotherapy in Toronto where he teaches a two-day introduction to EFT.  In August 2017, Robin was invited by Sue Johnson to become a trainer-in-training and is currently working towards becoming a Certified ICEEFT Trainer. Robin is a Registered Psychotherapist and has been in private practice in Toronto for 17 years.

“Are you ready to break bad patterns, learn more about yourself, and be happy?

Donna is very excited to announce that she is offering a Level 1 “Becoming Your Best Self” workshop using her Self-Integration Model (SIM).

The goal of these workshops is for participants to learn Donna’s Self-Integration Model and to apply SIM to areas of their lives they wish to explore, work on, or improve. The workshop will explore different parts of the self and how these parts are interrelated and can be integrated.

The workshop will include exercises, self-reflection and discussion to help identify trouble spots and ways of changing for greater happiness. Workshops are designed for individuals to learn and participate at their own pace with no expectation to participate in group work.

If you are ready to stop feeling stressed, anxious, and burnt out this workshop is for you.

As Donna is a licensed Psychologist, a portion, if not all, of these fees can be covered by your extended health care insurance coverage.”

Date:
May 7, 14, 21
Location:
3080 Yonge Street, Suite: TBA
Time
6:30 – 8:30 pm
Fee
$375/person

Wired for Love workshop is coming up. I’m excited to deep dive into a conversation about Marriage and connection with my pal Rabbi Grover. He says that the institution of marriage does a really good job of supporting people in matrimony but not enough to sustain relationships throughout the lifespan. I couldn’t agree more – 50% of marriages are ending in divorce.

Relationships are an investment and require a lot of maintenance – kind a like a car. They break down at times, need repairs and servicing. For this reason, we turn to guidebooks – everything from a car owner’s manual that shows how much to inflate your tires, to the recipe of your grandmother’s famous chicken soup.  We may hate the thought of consulting a manual or calling technical support, but can you really operate all theses things successfully simply through intuition?

Relationships are complex and yet we often attempt them with a minimum of guidance and support. Many of us didn’t grow up with a healthy model of relating. We either repeat the mistakes our parents made or consciously work to break the legacy passed down to us through the generations. Flying blind, as many couples do, and expecting relationships to fall into place is recipe for disaster. Hence the need for well informed guidance that supports your relationship.

Lucky for us, there has been an emerging body of scientific knowledge and theory in the field of neuroscience, attachment theory and psychology that has the potential to influence how partners relate to one another. Having a better understanding about how our brains function – how we’re wired – and our partner’s attachment style, can help us effectively defuse conflict when it arises and create a more stable and loving long term relationship. Investing into your own “relationship manuel” is well worth the effort.

The secret to cracking the code of connection and love is to move towards emotions in order to understand them. This process may involve resolving arguments or unfinished business that have left you feeling lonely and isolated or reduce stressful emotions like panic, anxiety, and depression. Adult bonding and all the emotions involved in creating secure relationship – is the key to love. I use these principles in my private practice with individuals and couples and I’m sharing some of these revolutionary tools at my upcoming workshop entitled “Wired for Love”.

Rabbi Grover and i want to make sure to tell everyone that ALL couples are welcome – every denomination, orientation, partners of all types.. including LGBTQ. Everyone counts. Everyone’s got their SHTICK!! We can all benefit from investing in our marriage. In the workshop we will learn how to develop a “user’s manual” for your relationship and each other. The language of emotions and connection is a lifeline and We now have the science to decode the “mystery” of love.

Hope you can join us for this special event on Feb 23, 2020. RSVP to gayle@bethtikvahtoronto.org

In Mind Health and Happiness
Larry Borins

Maintaining mental health amid the stresses of working full time can be challenging enough on its own. Throw a pandemic into the mix and suddenly managing one’s mental health can become a monumental undertaking. Fear and uncertainty seem to be everywhere; these can lead to anxiety and/or depression which in turn, can affect every aspect of your daily life.

There are a number of strategies we can use to help keep our mental health in balance, especially when working from home during COVID-19.

Great West Life Realty Advisors is working hard to support their staff and residents through the challenges of COVID-19. I recently spoke with them about some tactics people can use to ease their concerns during this period. Check out the recent interview Keeping Your Mental Health in Balance While Working From Home

“We’re all in this together and supporting each other through it can make a huge difference.” – Larry Borins, MSW, RSW

Man Up! Break Free from Toxic Masculinity: Build Emotional Strength

Join a transformative 6-week group for men who are ready embrace vulnerability, take responsibility, and live with emotional integrity. For too long, “Maning Up” has been a call to suppress emotions, avoid vulnerability, and project a façade of strength. It’s time to reclaim and redefine what it truly means to be a man.

Society often tells men to suppress their emotions, avoid vulnerability, and project strength at all costs. But true strength comes from within—it’s about emotional maturity, healthy self esteem, finding your voice, authentic connections, and the courage to live in alignment with your values.

Our 6-week men’s group, “Redefining Strength,” is designed to help you:

Understand and overcome the harmful patterns of toxic masculinity.

Build self-worth without comparison or competition.

Learn to set boundaries that protect and deepen your relationships.

• Take responsibility for your actions and grow from your mistakes.
• Embrace interdependence and ask for what you need without shame.
• Cultivate balance and mindfulness in all areas of your life.

What to Expect:

• Weekly 2-hour sessions with guided discussions, practical exercises, and peer support.
• Tools and strategies to help you stay grounded, mindful, and connected in everyday life.
• A safe, confidential space to explore and practice emotional growth, led by Larry Borins, a Registered Social Worker, Registered Psychotherapist, and experienced group facilitator.

Who Is This Group For?
This group is for men of all backgrounds who are ready to challenge old patterns, connect with like-minded peers, become the best version of themselves and create a healthier, more fulfilling version of masculinity. True strength lies in the power of vulnerability.

Details:

• • Start Date: January 26, 2025
  • Time: 7pm-9pm
  • Location: ?
  • To Register please call Larry 416-546-5511 or e-mail larry@mindhealthtoronto.com
  • $480 (Those with extended health insurance may be covered for some or all of this cost under psychological services).
  • Free 30 min consultation: before the class to assess your suitability and progress.

How to Join:

Click below to reserve your spot or learn more about the program. Limited spaces available—don’t miss this opportunity to invest in your emotional well-being.

Reserve Your Spot Today!

It’s time to redefine what strength means. Together, we’ll create a space where you can grow, connect, and lead your life with integrity and emotional responsibility.

What Is a Men’s Group?

A men’s group is simply a group of men who come together to learn, share, and get guidance on different areas of everyday life. A men’s group meets regularly with the main purpose of helping fellow men to better themselves and achieve different goals in life.

For the longest time, men of all ages did not have a safe space to share their feelings, emotions, and challenges. Unlike women, it is difficult for men to have a peer support group to go to whenever they feel the need to share or seek support. It is only recently that men therapy groups and men support groups were created.

“It’s time to redefine what it means to be a man. Step into your strength, own your emotions, and break free. Join us and ‘Man Up’—the right way.”

www.larryborins.com

As a marriage and family therapist, I often return to a deeply rooted Jewish value: Shalom Bayit (שלום בית) — peace in the home.

But Shalom Bayit is often misunderstood.

It does not mean:

• Avoiding conflict

• Suppressing needs

• Keeping the peace at all costs

• Enduring disconnection for the sake of appearance

In its truest sense, Shalom Bayit is about cultivating a home that is emotionally safe, relationally secure, and spiritually grounded — a place where both partners can bring their full selves without fear of abandonment, humiliation, or withdrawal.

Through the lens of attachment theory, Shalom Bayit is secure attachment lived out in daily life.

Peace Is Secure Attachment

From an attachment perspective, peace is not the absence of fighting. It is the presence of safety.

When couples argue about money, sex, parenting, or in-laws, those are surface issues. Underneath are attachment questions:

• Are you there for me?

• Do I matter?

• Am I alone in this relationship?

When those questions feel threatened, nervous systems react. One partner pursues. The other withdraws. Or both escalate.

This is what Sue Johnson describes in Emotionally Focused Therapy: the negative cycle becomes the enemy.

Shalom Bayit is not about suppressing that cycle.
It’s about understanding it — and transforming it.

Peace comes when partners can say:

“When you shut down, I feel abandoned.”
“When you criticize me, I feel like I’m failing you.”

And the other can stay present instead of defensive.

That is not weakness.
That is secure bonding.

From Power Struggle to Partnership

Too many couples operate from individual survival.

Who’s right.
Who’s wrong.
Who wins.

Drawing from Stan Tatkin, secure functioning means shifting from me vs. you to us vs. the problem.

That requires:

• No threats of leaving during conflict

• No humiliation

• No unilateral decisions that impact the relationship

• A commitment to mutual protection

Peace in the home requires partners to protect each other — especially when upset.

That’s not traditionalism.
That’s nervous system safety.

Accountability Is Not the Opposite of Peace

Some interpretations of Shalom Bayit historically encouraged endurance — often at the expense of one partner.

That is not the model I subscribe to.

From a Relational Life Therapy lens, influenced by Terrence Real, real peace requires accountability.

Withdrawal, contempt, rage, superiority — these are attachment defenses.
They are understandable.
But they are not acceptable.

Peace is restored when a partner can say:

“I see how I hurt you.”
“That’s mine.”
“I want to do this differently.”

Without accountability, “peace” becomes silence.

With accountability, peace becomes intimacy.

Mindfulness: The Gap Between Trigger and Choice

Most marital conflict is not intentional cruelty. It is reactivity.

Old attachment injuries get activated in milliseconds.

Here’s where Jon Kabat-Zinn’s influence shows up in my work.

If a partner can pause and ask:

• What just got activated in me?

• Is this about now, or is this about then?

• What does my nervous system need in this moment?

That pause interrupts generational patterns.

That pause creates choice.

And choice creates peace.

I call this Relational Mindfulness, moving intentionally from reactivity to responsiveness.

Shalom Means Wholeness

The Hebrew word shalom doesn’t just mean peace. It means wholeness.

A home with Shalom Bayit is not conflict-free.
It is rupture-and-repair fluent.
It is emotionally honest.
It is differentiated and connected.

Children raised in that environment internalize:

• Love can withstand conflict.

• Repair is possible.

• Anger does not equal abandonment.

That is intergenerational attachment security.

The Real Question

Peace in the home is not:

“How do we stop fighting?”

It is:

“Can we become a safe haven for each other?”

That requires:

• Vulnerability beneath anger

• Boundaries without contempt

• Ownership without collapse

• Protection without control

Shalom Bayit is not passive harmony.

It is earned security.

And in my experience, when couples commit to that level of work, peace stops being something they manage…

It becomes something they live inside.